dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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