you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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