Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
