Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
