I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
