I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
