i would punch a child for taco bell
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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