I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
