then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
