If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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