I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
