Porn is love you can see.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
