i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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