Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
