I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
