I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
