Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
