should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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