Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
