I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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