Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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