The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
foreskin is a definite game changer
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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