Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
