last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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