He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
