I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
