just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
