The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
