she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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