i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
