he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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