remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
