You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
