toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
