So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
