Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
