Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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