Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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