Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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