While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
