And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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