I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
