She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
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