I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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