You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
