I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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