There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
