Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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