My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think my moral compass just broke
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
