sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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